I try, first, to clear my mind. It’s an old habit from my Zen meditation training. But then ensues a tug and pull, while I dismiss the random thoughts which come into the empty mind at the same time that I check them for any related meaning to my current life path. I’m after a focused intention after all. One sentence that captures where I’m at, or what I’m after. Sometimes just a word at first, grasping at a center around which my thoughts can coalesce. “Work.” That’s a start.
I am aware of the power of thought laced with emotion. I am especially careful around fear. Whenever a fearful thought arises (“It’s pouring down rain outside. I hope my house doesn’t spring a leak”) I weave around it other emotions and thoughts of gratitude “I have such a solid house”, of prayer “I hope it doesn’t leak, please don’t let me have a leak”, of confidence in the way things are “It’s not leaking now”. So quickly I weave, confusing any thought that might manifest, flittering around until my mind finds another interest to light upon. Every now and then I like to return to any fear and solidify the positive with gratitude about the present. This most often is not expressed with words, but as a heart-felt feeling of thanks at the way-things-are. I can get lost so easily in my fears, that this is a common touchstone for my thoughts, coming back to the good that is.
What you see is what you get. If faced with the present you see something fearful even when there is nothing to fear, you will not be content. But then there are other realities, wishes, aspirations. There is the future to think about. Sure I have everything I need now, but if I don’t get a job soon, I might lose the house, I won’t be able to buy Sarah a bike, I’ll get deeper into debt, I’ll feel so desperate that all kinds of bad things might happen. When deciding to manifest something – like a better job – fear about the future can be a motivator as it is for me. That is why I will quit a job before finding a new one. Otherwise I will look around and say “it’s not so bad”.
My body has it’s own thoughts and feelings apart from my mind. I know this from experience, and deepened that knowledge from a book I read called Urban Shaman, by Serge King. As I learn how to manifest, I learn how to listen to my body, because what it says and how it feels is crucial to manifesting anything: that’s where manifestation lies after all, in the body, with the physical. If my body feels lethargic and unwilling to accomplish what my mind sets out to do, then I slow down or stop and listen. I look to see what pieces of myself I might be overlooking. I think I want to spend the day in my garden potting, pruning, but I’m staring out the window and nothing is getting done. What do I need? My mind wanders and I start to think about the architecture office I saw at the park blocks. Why not drop off a resume? My mind is fearful but my body is suddenly energized and ready to go. Okay, I get the hint. If I’m really being good to myself, I’ll walk out the door at the same time as I have a conversation with myself about what fears I have about applying for a job. I can work out those fears on the freeway, on my way to the architecture office, or if needed, just put them aside for the moment while I drop off the resume then talk about it on the way back.
Intention. Part two.
Having an intention isn’t at all like making a decision. Even the verb says it all: I have an intention. It’s like holding a cup: the intention comes to me, I turn it around in my mind and it feels good, it has a nice weight, it fits in with other thoughts. The intentions I mostly look for are gold. There’s an excitement about having them and I feel stronger for walking that path. At first an intention is only a brush stroke or two in the sky, in the space between here and there, in the calm of everyday moments. Then the feeling gathers weight and enters one of my chakra points. From there the conscious searching begins and I begin circling it, trying out a word or two to see if something will stick. The moment something sticks, like “home” or “work” or “it’s about expressing myself”, then I’m off and running dredging up old stories, hiding my fears, trying to make a decision right away, arguing with myself, reasoning with myself, then falling back into a patient inner silence while I check to see if the intention feeling is still there. Mostly that silence pervades for days while I work myself back to the original intention. Many times the talks with myself spawn other possible intentions, and I’ll try to decide on one of them, but that rarely works. Eventually I’ll work with an intention until I cup it with a sentence or two that fits perfectly. Then I’m ready for manifestation.